Author: Susan Forward (bestselling author of Toxic Parents ) and Donna Frazier
title: Emotional Blackmail. How to defend ourselves against manipulation and exploitation.
translated by Margaret Trzebiatowska
second edition in Polish
Gdansk Psychology Publishing
Gdańsk 2007
fragment
[...] planned deal with his wife that for Christmas you choose to travel. We waited for this vacation for months. When I called my mother to tell her that finally bought the tickets, was close to tears. "But what about Christmas dinner?" - She asked. "We always get together at Christmas. If you go spoil it all that day. How can you do this to me?" What do you think of Christmas as I still have Christmas? ". Well, of course, gave up. My wife will kill me, but I could not enjoy the trip, enjoying the feeling of guilt towards the mother. (TOM)
went to tell the boss that you need help or arrangements a more realistic time frame for completion of the project. As soon as I mentioned, I can not give you advice, he began a speech: "I know you want to spend more time at home with his family. But I think that, although the lack of you, appreciate the rise, we want you to admit. We need someone to work in the group who is very devoted to his occupation - someone who I think is you. But as you want - you can spend more time with their children. Just remember that if it is important for you, we will have to reconsider your future in the company. "I felt completely devastated. Now I do not know what to do. (KIM)
What is blackmail Emotional?
emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation, which consists in the fact that our loved ones threaten us - directly or indirectly - that will punish us if we do not do what you want. Underlying each of blackmail, lies a fundamental threat, which can be expressed in many ways, such as: If you do not behave as I want, then you suffer . Criminal szantażujący a person can threaten to use the information about her past and destroy her reputation. In general, demands money for secrecy. Emotional blackmail hits us personally. Speaking to the person knows how very precious to us is the relationship with her. He knows our weaknesses and deepest secrets. And even if it is it depends on us, when he fears that it has his way, uses his knowledge of us to formulate a threat to bring her what she wants: our submission.
Knowing that we need love and approval, our blackmailer threatens to deprive us of their, or their behavior confirms our belief that we have to earn it. For example, if you're proud of your generosity and thoughtfulness, the blackmailer may call you selfish and insensitive when he submits his will. If you value money and financial security, the blackmailer can provide them to you only under certain conditions, or threaten to deprive you of. And if you believe him, you get used to the treatment of its control of its decisions and their behavior.
found blackmail in the dance, dancing with the immense number of steps, figures and partners.
[...] Since it is extremely difficult to recognize the emotional blackmail when we have to do with him - and even long afterwards - have prepared a list that will help you determine whether you become a victim blackmailer.
When important people in your life:
- threaten to hinder your life if you do not do what they want?
- constantly threaten to disrupt you if you do not do what they want?
- tell you or suggest that they will neglect their duties, they do get injured or become depressed if you do not do what they want?
- always want more, regardless of how much you give them?
- usually assume that they ustąpisz?
- usually ignored or comercials deprecate your feelings and desires?
- lot of promise, but the fulfillment of these promises to make your behavior and rarely stick to them?
- showers approval by you, when they succumb to and disapproval when you do not want to be?
- use the money as a means to bring in his?
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