book series, "Psychology in Everyday Life"
Author: Patricia Evans
Title: Toxic words. Verbal aggression in relationships
Edition
Jacek Santorski & Co.,
Publishing Agency, Warsaw 2008
This book is addressed to everyone. It just so happens that it contains examples, experiences and stories have been told to me by women. For this reason, the suffering associated with verbal aggression, I am writing from women's point of view, I hope that, without prejudice. To protect the privacy of the individuals who shared with me their experiences, changed their names and circumstances of the events recounted by them. Described by me, women are "the result" of my interviewers. It is women who are or were associated with verbal aggressive partners.
Verbal aggression is a form of violence that leaves no traces comparable with traces of physical violence. Why not be the same but the cause of suffering and a return to normalcy may take much longer. The victim of verbal aggression, lives in a world where everything is becoming increasingly complicated. A woman living with a man who is someone else "for show" and someone else privately. Small humiliation or outbursts of anger, coldness and indifference, or absolute domination, sarcastic remarks or silent distance, manipulation and extortion or unreasonable demands are the most common types of behavior. But they boil down to statements like "what is happening to you," "doing the molehill" and other numerous forms of displacement. Most woman who is a victim of verbal aggression suffer without witnesses, without anyone having , who could share their feelings. In the eyes of friends and families of violent partner may be seen as a really decent guy, and certainly for such a thought.
Although this book describes the experiences of women, there is no denying that some men are also victims of verbal aggression from their partners. But usually they do not feel such fear as a woman, living in constant fear of the wrath of man.
If you ever have experienced verbal aggression, surely you remember how in a more or less subtle way was given You understand that your feelings and perceptions of reality are incorrect. Consequently, subconsciously started to question the veracity of what doświadczałaś. I therefore suggest that you read about cases of verbal aggression, he thought to himself, if these situations do not seem familiar to you.
purpose of this book is to teach you to recognize subtle forms of verbal aggression and manipulation. My intention was to present the nuances of verbal intercourse with aggression in a way that they are usually the victims. People would rather forget the past, not revisited the painful experiences that have led to write such a book as this. We all want to forget our past issues. The past can teach us a lot, however, and gained knowledge in this way will make informed decisions that will ensure us a better future. Humiliation of one person humiliates us all.
Material for the book gave me interviews with 40 women - victims of verbal violence. Their age ranges from 21 to 66 years. The median duration of their relationship is slightly more than 16 years. In summary, we can say that borrowed from more than 640 years of experience verbal aggression. Most women I spoke with, moved away from their violent partners. Five, ten, fifteen years after parting still roztrząsały and tried to understand what happened to them. To save your relationship, have benefited from any direction, with each method: explained, turned a blind eye, asked, begged, went to group therapy or individual, try to be as independent and satisfying their own needs and not asking for "too much" agreeing on fewer and fewer, giving up any claim by showing understanding. But nothing helped. The dynamics of their relationship often still remained a mystery for them.
[...] Effects of verbal aggression are primarily qualitative. This means that, in contrast to the effects of physical violence are not visible to the naked eye. There is no evidence of beating, bruising, conquered the eyes or broken bones. The measure of harm suffered in this case the intensity of mental suffering endured by the victim of verbal aggression. Quality of experience So the victim determines the degree of violence.
My primary goal is to help you, Czytelniczko, recognizing the signs of verbal aggression. Because verbal aggression is associated with personal experiences, this book is entirely concerned with human experience.
reading it, you should keep in mind three important facts which allow to keep a broader perspective:
- Therefore, based on an aggressive partner violence typically denies their aggression. acts of verbal aggression
- are usually place behind closed door.
- Acts of physical violence are always preceded by verbal aggression.
from myself I might add that the verbal aggression often encounter in their everyday dealings with others. Most often it is not noticed, ignored, or even acceptable in some environments. We experience it in the home, in schools, we are confronted with it in the normal peer relationships, and often social and professional. We accept it without noticing how much suffering poses.
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