Author: Susan Forward, Donna Frazier
title: Toxic in-laws.
Free yourself from destructive relationships with toxic in-laws
translated Monika Betley
(First edition was published in Poland by Jacek Santorski & Co. Publisher)
Publishing House REBIS, Poznan 2007
entering into marriage, often we forget that we do not associate with only one person. We go to the family, which has some emotional baggage and established traditions. On problems with in-laws, and especially with teściowymi, circulates a lot of jokes. But unfortunately it happens, and it is often the Toxic in-laws is a really serious problem. The author describes the various types of them, she learns how to recognize them and how to effectively protect the compound against pernicious influences.
fragment
Living in a triangle
Usually, when you reach the stage of a strong emotional involvement, you already know a lot about their partner and either you have already started meeting with his family, or at least know it from the stories: do you know about the saints, skandalistach, dictators and martyrs. Looking back with a dazzling brightness, which gives the look in hindsight, probably you remember when I first przeczułeś that await you trouble with the in-laws. In the case of some people, this signal is cold reception, or a kind of tension that seems inevitable. Another recall a snapshot of the past, for example, dryly exchange of views by telephone or derogative remarks. If unpleasant memories quickly disappears and is not fixed in memory as a stubbornly recurring theme, there is actually a greater danger. However, if you have a permanent memory of any particular moment or incident that portended trouble ahead, then it may happen that you start to play this memory in his mind like a movie.
In the case of Anne, trzydziestojednoletniej graphic artist, a warning sign was the reaction of the mother-in its decision on matters of personal and professional.
"Ruth took me to the goal, before Joe and I got married. She was angry that I am not going to change the name, even though it is on all of my folders in the phone book advertising. During the dinner," said Joe Engagement , loud enough to have heard a few people, including myself, that in its opinion, I'm too ambitious and therefore Joe will be my second place after a career which, of course, not at all worth doing. She said yes, though she also worked professionally. I did not say anything, but I felt humiliated and angry. So I tried to turn it into a joke, and alleviate the situation. It just was not the right time to argue. "
[...] Time has passed, and Anne could never find the" right time "to discuss the situation. When she came to me, four years after his marriage, still felt so just humiliated and furious, also blamed herself for having ignored the first warning signals and for not subdue Ruth behavior. Like most people burdened with toxic in-laws, from the very beginning, she felt that as a result of hostile in-laws in her marriage is more likely to suffer a failure, than to become a happy fusion of two families. The suppression of this idea triggers powerful forces that make us suffer in solitude. Love. You do not want to move any issues that might put a shadow on the romantic feeling that connects you with your partner. Would you like to come in-laws you liked and accepted.
Anne looks back amazed at how earnestly tried to convince myself that the rudeness we heard the dinner Engagement, was a momentary whim, as it turned out over the next year, it was the first of many temporary excesses.
" so much I wanted liked me, and I was sure that when we finally meet me, then so be it. But where there. When we got married, it was just worse. Then became convinced that lay the matter well when it is his grandmother. Today is the world's two grandchildren, and she still uses himself for me. "Why do we allow so much time has elapsed from the moment when we realize that we have problems with in-laws, the moment when we cease to rely on the fact that they will disappear ...
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